I’ve found an amazing house. It’s in pretty good shape, walking distance from the tube station and the view is to die for. In fact, it’s the exact view that I’ve been seeing in my mind’s eye - fields stretching into the distance over rolling hills, expansive skies and big glass windows to take in the glory of the setting sun. It could be my own little piece of tranquility and my whole being is saying yes, quietly but firmly. It’s a lot, lot, lot of money for me but I can manage it, and with a bit of luck I could be living here within weeks. The only unmovable obstacle in my way right now is that I can’t actually find one.
I went back to view the house three more times, taking trusted friends along to be on the safe side. When I asked for their opinion, they all said very different things from 'it's great' to 'you can't possibly buy that' and 'I can't see you living there'. Only, I COULD. I could see, sense, feel, taste and touch myself living here, it had everything I need to be happy. But it felt like a huge risk, and I suddenly became a small child who’s afraid of getting into a mess that I wouldn’t be able to handle.
So, I walked away without making an offer, and went back to my life which is just fine. I’m so used to abandoning my dreams that it didn’t even crush me anymore, instead it felt normal and even ‘right’ in a weird kind of way.
IT DOESN'T INTEREST ME HOW OLD YOU ARE. I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU WILL RISK LOOKING LIKE A FOOL FOR LOVE, FOR YOUR DREAM, FOR THE ADVENTURE OF BEING ALIVE.
- Oriah Mountain Dreamer
After a few (ok many!) twists and turns to the plot, I finally ended up buying that house. It was a really great decision for my life. The truth is that I’ve spent years looking at houses for a good fit. I found a reason to reject every single one, because then things would really change, and I wasn’t sure that I could handle it. I heard the voice of wisdom lovingly say yes but fear talked me out of it every time ...until I couldn't live that way anymore.
I know you have these voices inside you too, we all do. There is a deeply loving, wise, grace filled path to what you most desire, coming from the same creative intelligence that runs all of Life - and it's not the story of unmitigated disaster that we mostly imagine in our minds. It probably won't tick all the boxes for anyone else, how could it if it's uniquely yours? YOUR PATH IS LOOKING FOR YOU even as you’re seeking IT. You’ll find it by listening inside here, not by asking everyone else out there.
There’s a unique ecstasy to living your own life, on the other side of not taking that risk is the danger of dying without having really lived at all. In the final reckoning only we know what’s right for us. That’s right, we do know what right for us, even if it does take us a while to come round to it.
