PERSONAL DESIRES IN A TIME OF CRISIS
Have you been wondering if it’s ok for you to ‘want what you really want’ when there is so much upheaval in the world? Or maybe, you’ve been parking your desires for later because how could it be right to go on with your own business when others are suffering so much, right? Have you noticed how that strategy plays out in the long run? The truth is that when we get into a pattern of shutting down our real desires, it feels good at first. But the instant kick we get out of being ‘good’, doing the ‘right’ thing and being ‘unselfish’ leaves a bitter aftertaste. Because our true Self is being suppressed, we’ll eventually be run over by resentful feelings, irrationally explosions at others and the need to compulsively numb ourselves with too much shopping, alcohol, social media, exercise or even work. Our ‘selfless’ actions are driven by fear and charged with hidden expectations. And that, my dear friends, kills the experience of love, freedom and joy that we are so longing to have. Putting my desires on hold and feeling good about being selfless is the exact recipe that led me to having everything that I could possibly want but feeling like I’m living someone else’s life. I had so much to be grateful for but it felt like a golden cage and all I could think of was wanting to escape. It also meant that I never had to challenge my fears or stretch out of my comfort zone. I preferred to deflect attention away from me because deep down I was afraid that I had nothing of value to contribute and that this awful truth about me would be found out. The hidden cost of this dawned on me after years of focusing on the needs of others. I no longer knew who I was or what I wanted with any real conviction and my self esteem was on the floor. The path to real self esteem is through the courage to own our true desires. They are the seeds of our potential for fulfilment. We need to get out of our own way and say yes to the impulse of life. The incredible thing about this is that self esteem is natural, it’s what we are born with, it’s who we already are under the layers of social conditioning. The whole journey from start to finish is a process of remembering, coming home and peeling off layers of everything that is unnatural, tight and sticky. Dear one, you don’t need me to remind you that loving people don’t start wars. Taking care of ourselves and tending to our joy is an act of love. We aren’t all meant to be jumping into big actions to prove that we care and we don’t need to make ourselves feel bad because we aren’t called to do that either. Maybe the part you need to play to support the flow of kindness in the world today is to allow someone else to fill your empty cup. Or take loving care of yourself. It’s ok to tend to your own life first. If you’re genuinely called to help others, please do so. That’s also a beautiful thing. Feeling pressured to respond in an inauthentic way, even if it’s to help others, is not compassionate to yourself so how could it be to them? It’s ok to allow yourself to want what you want and not want what you don’t. The invitation is to enter into the radical trust that your authenticity, and the natural joy that comes with it, also heals the world. Your guilty sacrifice is a pattern of behaviour adopted by your younger self to avoid unwanted reactions from others and you are free to gently start releasing it if the time is ripe for you to do so now. We can’t create the loving world we want for our loved ones by leaving ourselves out of it. Change starts from within and the impact ripples outwards. There is nothing wrong about who you really are underneath your layers of fear, guilt and shame. Your true desires have always been valid. They are the impulse of LIFE itself wanting to create through you.How do you connect with your real self?What are your favourite, go-to ways to get connected with your natural joy in the chaos of the world? Being with nature always helps me to come home to myself. It’s slightly different from being in nature, it involves really getting present there in the moment and starts to get me out of the noise and busyness in my head and breathe with the rhythm of nature again. As I bring my attention to the textures and see the colours and let the calls of the birds touch me, it drops me into the still centre of peace under the noise and I get connected with the presence that I am again. 
PIc Credit Mi Pham on Unsplash